May 9, 2016
Terms and Conditions
This summer, I teach music from 8-11:00 a.m. and 1-5:00 p.m., but in the course of the day, I get sneezed at, I get to fine-tune grammar, conduct breathing exercises, and improve kids’ “intonation” when they speak or demand something from their nannies – and remind them that nannies also deserve a “please” and a “thank you”. During this time of the day, I sometimes become an actress when I try to keep a serious face even though my soul is already rolling with laughter, I am able to practice polemics, become a shrink, a referee, inter alia… and yet, at the end of each day, I learn more than I teach.
Music teachers know that words play a significant role during lessons; a little foible in terminology and the child gets the wrong idea about tone production, hand relaxation, etc. while one appropriate word could curtail hours of ineffective repetition.
Nevertheless, I have never been more aware of this truth than when I was teaching a student on the autism spectrum recently. I usually find it problematic to address the child’s errors because corrections are regarded as an interruption and an annoyance. “You made a mistake here,” “you missed a note,” and “you forgot to do this and that” are normally met with grunts or banging on the piano keys – which I don’t take personally because I know he is not upset with me but with his mistakes.
This week, I decided to try something new. I decided to say, “Oh no! “WE missed a note,” “WE forgot to do this and that,” “WE made a mistake! Let’s try to fix it!”
It did wonders! By simply replacing “you” with “we,” he became more receptive. After all, the mistakes were not entirely his. I was the one who failed to come up with a solution sooner.
What if we applied the same approach to our society? Instead of being all accusatory, can’t we just say, WE made a mistake! Let’s try to fix it!?
Flowers from a Book 
Leave a comment